:1788341830,7006334,PLEASE be careful especially with steaming etc. I ve known quite a few women who fell for all kinds of woowoo techniques and ended up with UTIs and other gyne issues 😥 in my opinion and experience, the best you can do for your intimate health is trust that your body knows Read more… how to “clean” itself, and any issues shall be solved by a doctor 🤷‍♀️
Thank you for the advice! I've read about several potential issues with steaming, including burns and disrupting the balance within. So I'm thinking more of a rather superficial, warmish and short steaming. More sauna than deep cleanse as the idea is not to stress her out but just pamper her.

And I'd actually prefer answers from women about this, but of course I can't stop men from answering and telling a woman what to do and how it should feel because they think they are experts..

So, absolutely nothing has changed in 6 years. Tried opening up my mail box again, got the exact BS listed on here and closed it off again after 48 (!!) hours. Thank you, dear men, or rather dear sex toy industry, for making me consider to rather share my home with a fuck machine than an actual Read more… breathing man.
Apologies to the very few men that don't fall into the above-mentioned category and congratulations to the women who have met these unicorns.

:1787619920,3050412,Having worked through it now, I can see that her want to be desired from someone young, very into her, and seemingly emotionally strong (I wasn't), was just her way of getting approval from outside sources in a time when she felt very ***. She latched onto me in a very Read more… unhealthy and codependent way and in a time that I was young, ***, and just starting to learn who I was.

See, this is why I couldn't make up my mind. The thought that my actions might impact someone in a negative way despite my best intentions is horrible. Thanks for this reminder!!

:1787646118,452480,If a 19 year old man said he was looking for an older woman, the women do tend to be more reserved cos often what they are looking for does mean more work for the woman.
This is the crux of the matter. An older woman who is agreeing to have sex with a man this age Read more… is not really gaining much. Experience is lacking, body shape is not at its peak, brain functions are still developing. And I think this is at the root of my biased thinking, because before reading the comments on here, I couldn't see a woman engaging in such an interaction for any other reason but to do this young man a massive favour. But of course, people will be people and so there will be some more sinister reasons for such encounters.

:1787628985,7863743,I totally support this as long as you are careful and thoughtful about it. Which it appears that you are.
I had numerous girlfriends throughout high school. But I dated a 22 year old my senior year. We worked at the same ski shop and formed a connection. She was gracious Read more… and informative and taught me what a clit was 😂 But she also called me out on my dickbag behavior. I’m eternally grateful for that relationship.
That being said, I think you are right to point out the maturity of a young person’s brain and how it doesn’t actually achieve maturity until 26 or perhaps later.
Which is why you have to be careful. Based on your yoga poses I can easily understand him becoming infatuated with you. Or confusing sex with a relationship. It’s a tough dance, but if you are measured in your actions I think you could be a mind blowing and informative fling which you both can enjoy. But anything more serious would be a bit dicey
Very true! Yes, you'd have to be very careful. And also based on many very insightful comments in this thread, not push for it too hard. If the younger man were to show clear signals, then it could be pursued further. If not, then it is probably the responsibility of the older person to not make more obvious moves, plus of course the aspect you bring up here, to make absolutely clear that there is a difference between sex and a serious relationship.
As you say though, I can see how some older women could instill so many positives in a younger man. So I guess it really and fully depends on the maturity and good intention of the older person. Thanks for sharing your experience!

Beautiful.
And it touches on something I thought about today: leniency. More specifically the reasonableness of leniency. Isn't it only sensible to be lenient with a partner who messes up not out of ignorance but out of inexperience in life itself, including human behaviour in all its complexities Read more… and even less so in strategies to deal with those. Only experience (in combination with curiosity) can bring about experience, so how could anyone not be lenient with a person (including ourselves with ourselves) that goes through one of the most psychologically challenging human interactions possible for the very first time.
Also, I believe that the ability to offer leniency depends on the ability to express needs/dislikes/likes ourselves as we would have learned that desires can be a lot better fulfilled and restrictions can only be respected when they have been made known. And this ability comes with - surprise! - experience..
Thanks for this great, great text and impulse.

:1787147043,7265081,How dare you make my hypothetical less hypothetical 🤣

I specifically gave you the benefit of the doubt, that maybe what your partners call catastrophizing is actually you being grounded, realistic, and willing to articulate unpleasant conclusions, and them not being able Read more… to handle the 'pending doom' of losing you. Basically being an a-hole because you say it's not going to work long term.

But you say this is not the case, I will move on.

"Please explain", this ties to my assumption, but I will explain. I was inviting you to temporarily stop concluding that your interpretation is correct and to 'blank slate' what interacting with you feels like from the other person's position. Basically how else could what I say or do be taken, how might that be affecting return reactions/actions.

Also, rude 🤣 I'm not bashing you, no need for personal attacks. Yes, I know the saying.

Furthermore, the assumption is a common thing for intelligent and honest people. I am talking about the possibility, that your honesty could come across as an attack and create unintentional hurt egos, resulting in partner defense, such as, you being a/the problem or somehow discounting you as a person or diminishing yor worth to correct some sort of presumed attack. Then the follow on of you potentially believing their words as guidance and growth. Then you have more ammunition for why it won't work 🤣 and they potentially create the spiral you never started yet blame you for it and you are like "well damn, maybe I am the problem".

'Pocket Rocket' I am going to err on this being a joke or some poke you enjoy, but it immediately ***ed me off (based on who you present here), maybe your IRL is a lot more callous and rude, here you present very soft even your profile picture welcomes care and nurturing and wholesomeness, but again this is the internet and I'm just another user name.
You bring up two aspects that would be worth their own thread, albeit not necessarily in a kink forum. For one, there is the tendency of some people to develop a self-image in which they are incompatible with just about anyone because of their issues. I believe it is easy to fall into such self-blame if at some point in your life you struggle with trusting/opening up etc. and lack strategies to regulate consequential emotional upheaval. If overreacting repeatedly leads to others (understandably) calling you on it and blaming you for a connection not being able to thrive, this might become part of your internal dialogue even once regulatory techniques have been acquired. However, by now I am of the opinion that it ALWAYS takes two to tango. Yes, working on your issues is highly recommendable, but no, you don't need to be able to accommodate absolutely everyone.
Secondly, the difference between presenting yourself on here vs. IRL has several layers to it. Many times I have read people on here saying how they are for example very dominant in their real lives but on here can show their more *** subservient side. And we all know about the many different masks we wear during any given day when interacting with colleagues, friends, strangers, ... Almost all of my (play) partners have told me that when we met, I 'pretended' to be this tough cookie when 'in fact' I was so delicate and sensitive. I use quotation marks because I don't believe that people are either / or but both, depending on the situation.
Finally, no attack was intended. I appreciate your input far too much to react to it with rudeness. Just a bit of teasing, but I apologise if it felt anything but.

:1787103978,4638191,People who "hate" small talk is part of the problem. If you can handle small talk then I already know you can't handle big talk. This points to you don't know how to have a conversation and I'm already out. Thank you for putting it on your bio though, it helps us figure Read more… out who is and isn't worth talking to.
Mh, that's maybe a bit harsh. According to this theory, few Germans would be able to have "big" or as I would call it 'deep' talk. I can confirm that this is not the case, on the contrary, because small talk isn't a big thing here, conversations tend to go very deep very quickly. But I also understand that some people prefer a warming up phase and so you've made me think about being a bit more cooperative when it comes to first conversations with potential play partners. Thanks for the (slightly bullish) nudge.

:1787106159,7755927,
Like I said earlier I’m way new to the dom sub idea but I guess I’m not familiar with a sexual experience that would require such aftercare or have such a drop. Can you give an example of what kind of experience or scene would cause such a high then drop?
This Read more… surely varies from person to person. But for me it isn't only dependent on the intensity of the action that goes on. But rather on the intensity of the interpersonal dynamic. In this recent situation, what caused the intensity wasn't what happened sexually per se. It wasn't the first time I used a dildo, it wasn't the first time I used this particular one (which is the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing one I possess!!). But it was the first time that I played with this man after two years of no play. I was very hesitant in the beginning but then started to open up and then managed to do something that should have hurt tremendously because I did it for his approval. Such a dynamic can push you to superhuman abilities and you are in a different world. Then comes the orgasm, which again can be a heightened kind of orgasm. I couldn't stop laughing and shaking for an hour after it.
So there seem to be extreme physical results to an extreme emotional connection. And unsupervised, they will lessen dramatically over time (hours, days..) and then suddenly there is this drop. As if the brain has to recalibrate. If your Dom could help you recalibrate in a gentle way, that would be very helpful.