Pleasure Gap: Why Are So Many Women Still Missing Out?

Porn says: thrust, moan, finish — everyone’s happy.

Reality says: Welcome to the Pleasure Gap, where cis men are hitting the jackpot and everyone else gets leftovers.

Let’s break it down:

• Around 95% of men climax during sex.
• Only 65% of women do.
• And queer women? They’re coming almost as often as men.

So what’s going on?

The Pleasure Gap (also called the orgasm gap) describes the shocking difference in how often people of different genders reach orgasm, especially during heterosexual sex. 

Spoiler: it’s not because women are “harder to please.” It’s because they’ve been playing by a broken rulebook.

 

A Brief History of Ignoring Women’s Pleasure

Let’s get one thing straight: this gap didn’t start yesterday.
For centuries, female pleasure has been dismissed, demonized, or flat-out denied.

From ancient taboos around menstruation to 15th-century "witches" punished for having clits, it’s been a long war against women enjoying sex. Fast forward to the 20th century, and researchers like Alfred Kinsey and Shere Hite finally dared to ask: What actually gets women off?

Betty Dodson took it even further, putting vulvas front and center in masturbation workshops and refusing to let shame win. These pioneers cracked open the door. 

But let’s be honest: we still have a long way to go before clitoral pleasure is seen as essential, not extra.

 

Powerful hands, intense connection—but even in moments like these, not every woman reaches the finish line. The pleasure gap isn’t always about desire—it’s about being truly seen, heard, and satisfied. Picture: Envato Elements 

 

What the Stats Really Say

Forget myths. Here’s what research shows:

• 42% of women have faked an orgasm. Only 32% of men have.
• 95% of women orgasm during masturbation — but only 65% do during partnered sex.
• Lesbian women report orgasm rates close to 90%.
• Bisexual and heterosexual women who had their first sexual experience with a man? Only 7% reached orgasm. Seven.
   

This isn’t about anyone doing it wrong — it’s about a culture that still centers one kind of pleasure while overlooking others.

 

Cisnormativity, Queerness & the Gaps No One Talks About

The Pleasure Gap doesn’t stop at cisgender women. It hits harder (and more invisibly) for:

• Trans and nonbinary people: there’s barely any research.
• Black women and Women of Color: more stereotypes, less data, more barriers.
• Disabled people: more assumptions, fewer conversations, even fewer resources.

Much of sex ed, media, and mainstream porn still reflect a narrow view of pleasure — one that doesn’t leave room for every body, every identity, or every desire.

 

The Real Causes of the Pleasure Gap

Let’s get real: this isn’t a technique issue. It’s a cultural kink in the worst way.

• Penetration = sex? Only if you ignore the clit.
• Foreplay as a pre-show? Nah, that was the main event.
• She’ll come eventually? Not with two pumps and a sigh, babe.

Also, 59% of men (and nearly half of women) can’t correctly name vulva anatomy. No wonder the clit’s still MIA in so many bedrooms.

Find partners who get it — from Dating in London to Dating in New York, and everywhere in between.

 

 

Language Matters. And It’s Fucked.

“Sex” still means penetration for most people. Everything else? Labeled as “foreplay.”
Translation: His orgasm = goal. Hers = optional.

Kink communities are often better at breaking this mold, like those exploring BDSM Dating, where pleasure isn’t just assumed. It’s negotiated.

Time to make that mindset mainstream.

 

When Your Body Isn’t Cooperating: It’s Not Just You

Struggling to orgasm? You’re not broken. And you’re definitely not alone. More than 40% of women report some kind of sexual dysfunction, from low desire to pain during sex to trouble climaxing.

Hormones, meds, trauma, stress — your body keeps the score. And if something feels off, don’t just “power through.” You deserve answers, not excuses.

So talk to a doctor. A real one. One who takes your pleasure seriously. And if they don’t? Change doctors. You deserve care that gets you wet and seen.

 

Tools Are Not Cheating — They’re Sex Essentials

Vibrators aren’t a backup plan. Lube isn’t an apology. The right sex toy can unlock things your fingers — or theirs — never could. Think suction toys, curved wands, or strap-ons that turn the game inside out.

Lube reduces friction and pressure. It says: we’re here to feel good, not prove anything.

Whether you’re solo or partnered, your toolkit matters. Because pleasure isn’t supposed to be hard. (Unless you want it to be.)

 

Not Every Woman Feels Less — But Every System Assumes She Should

Queer women have more orgasms. Why?

• More focus on mutual pleasure.
• Less penetration pressure.
• Better communication.
• Less ego, more exploration — just like in some Friends with Benefits setups, where the goal is good 

And women whose first time was with another woman? Orgasm rates up to 64%. With men? A tragic 7%.

Coincidence? Hardly.

 

Mental Load: The Lust Killer

The Pleasure Gap doesn’t start in the bedroom. It starts with everything else.

Women are juggling work, family, unpaid labor, emotional support, contraception, trauma, body image, and then expected to moan on demand?

Mental load kills libido. And if your brain’s running a never-ending to-do list, good luck getting wet.

 

Orgasm Myths That Need to Die

• “Women are just harder to please.” (Nope.)
• “Penetration is enough.” (Only for about 18% of women.)
• “Men are faster because they’re more visual.” (Lust isn’t speed. It’s context.)
• “Women don’t like sex as much.” (Bullshit.)
• “The clit is complicated.” (Google is free.)

Let’s be honest: These myths aren’t just annoying — they’re part of the problem. They uphold a sex script that centers male pleasure, sidelines clits, and teaches everyone else to stay quiet, be grateful, and fake it.

But guess what? Women aren't “harder to please.” They’re just tired of partners who don’t listen, learn, or go beyond thrust-and-pray sex.

Pleasure isn’t rocket science. It’s curiosity. It’s effort. It’s asking what feels good, and actually caring about the answer.

If your idea of sex stops at penetration and ends when he comes, you’re not doing sex — you’re performing patriarchy. And the rest of us? We’re done with that.

Let’s kill the myths, close the Pleasure Gap, and start making room for sex that’s mutual, mindful, and mind-blowingly hot.

Pleasure isn’t optional. It’s the whole point.

 

A Moment of Realness

It’s a lazy Sunday. No makeup, sweatpants, no plans. He reaches under the blanket — no pressure, no goal, just touch.

Minutes pass. Laughter turns to heat. There’s no rush. He stays with her. Fingers glide. She breathes deeper.

And then —
Not a Hollywood orgasm. A real one.
One that shakes her chest, bends her spine, makes her forget what time it is.

No penetration. No kinky sex. No script.
Just presence, patience, and the right damn focus.

 

How To Actually Close the Pleasure Gap

This isn’t a checklist — it’s a mindset shift.

Closing the Pleasure Gap means unlearning a lot of what we’ve been taught about sex. It's not about pushing harder, faking louder, or ticking boxes. It’s about getting real with what feels good — and for whom.

Start with anatomy. The clit isn’t a mystery. It’s not complicated. It’s just wildly underused. Pleasure starts where attention goes — so start there.

Rethink what counts as sex. If penetration isn’t doing the job (and for most women, it isn’t), then why keep centering it? Oral, fingers, toys, grinding — it’s all valid. It all counts.

Make space for different desires. Whether it’s kink, dirty talk, or a favorite toy, fantasies deserve a seat at the table. The more openly we talk about pleasure, the better we get at giving and receiving it.

Curate what you consume. Porn is fine — but it’s not education. Fill your feed with voices that talk about sex with honesty, consent, and nuance. It makes a difference.

Take your time. Quickies can be fun. But rushing? That’s how gaps stay open. Build heat slowly, stay curious, and don’t chase the finish line.

And above all: ask, listen, adjust, repeat. It’s not just about better orgasms — it’s about better sex for everyone.

 

Time To End the Gap — For Good

The Pleasure Gap isn’t a flaw in women’s bodies. It’s a flaw in our culture. One that says some people deserve pleasure… and others should fake it.

POPCORN says: fuck that. Sorry.

We believe pleasure is political. It’s personal. And it’s powerful.

Ready to write your own script?

📲 Join the Live Chat on POPCORN and meet people who know how to play fair — and make everyone finish.

 

 

Craving More?

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