Sex columnist, photographer and sex blogger Molly Moore responds to a man who feels guilty about getting aroused after getting a massage. 

Dear Molly
A friend booked me a massage as a treat. I had never had a massage before and was not sure what to expect. I really enjoyed it, maybe a bit too much, and have found myself going back to the massage parlour several times. I always ask for the same masseuse because she is super fit and turns me on. I try hard not to show that I am aroused during the massage, but it is not easy. On many occasions, I have gone straight to the bathroom and masturbated after the massage. I feel kind of guilty about what I am doing, and I keep promising myself this will be the last one. And then I end up booking another one. Do you think I am doing something wrong or is it OK?

Ask Molly Sex Tips and Relationship Advice Dear J 
I guess my first thought is what about it makes you feel guilty? Is it because you have a partner and this feels like cheating (which in my opinion it is not). Or is it because you think you are doing something disrespectful towards the person giving the massage? I don't think there is anything to feel guilty about as long as you are being respectful to the person giving the massage. They are just doing their job. They have not consented to anything else but giving you the best massage they can. Involving them in your sexual arousal in any way would be completely unethical.  I suspect doing so would get you banned from that massage parlour. 

Fantasising about the massage is okay

Taking your arousal to somewhere private afterwards or fantasising about the massage or the person giving it is entirely reasonable. After all, we all have fantasies. The key is knowing where to draw the line between fantasy and real life. As long as you are not harming anyone with your fantasy, or making them feel uncomfortable, then I don't see a problem. However, if you feel that you can't keep that boundary clear, I suggest that it is time to stop visiting this particular massage parlour.

Ever tried erotic massage?

Have you thought about looking for a massage parlour that does erotic massages? If you do have a partner,  this might be something that some people would view as cheating. So you might want to think about how you could discuss it with them. If you are not in a relationship, then this is not an issue for you.  

Explore your massage fantasy consensually

An erotic massage would be a great way to get your massage, but allow you to incorporate your arousal consensually. Sometimes known as a massage with a 'happy ending', an erotic massage includes the masseuse masturbating the client to orgasm. They are experienced in providing such a service. I think would be an ideal way for you to explore this massage fantasy.

Suggest a massage to your partner

You have not mentioned having a partner, so I am going to assume that you are not currently in a relationship. But if or when you are, I encourage you to share your massage fantasies with your partner. It can be a daunting and challenging thing to do, but in this case, you could do it very subtly. Talk about how much you like to receive a massage. That you could take turns to give and receive one, and that maybe it would be a sensual experience to share. I can't imagine many people would turn down that idea. That would give you the perfect start to exploring this massage fantasy with a partner. 


Does getting a massage turn you on? Have you ever been to a massage parlour offering erotic massages? Share in the forum for free. 

Ask Molly | Sex Tips | Advice Column

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