“Held in Pleasure”: The Intimacy Revolution Led by Brittnee Bond

Meet Brittnee Bond — founder of the Vanilla Vanilla Play Party and the heart behind some of the world’s most intimate, non-penetrative play parties. Curious to experience one for yourself? Check out her upcoming event in Berlin.

“You know it’s a safe space when women feel safe enough to moan,” Brittnee Bond tells me, her voice calm and radiant. “That’s the sound of permission. That’s when I know we’re doing it right.”

There’s a reason people fly across continents to attend her play parties. They’re not about performance or the usual scripts. In fact, penile penetration is off the table, and so are substances and expectations.  Instead, Brittnee Bond’s Vanilla Vanilla Play Party offers something much rarer: an invitation to feel fully safe, deeply connected, and deliciously alive.

Think candlelight, cacao, soft music, a pool under moonlight, and 80 people moving through a curated journey of communication, touch, desire, and healing — all held by an all-women team of trained facilitators.

And at the center of it all: Brittnee.

 

 

A Radical Rebirth

Before she became the magnetic founder of a sensual revolution, Brittnee was a Jehovah’s Witness living in Sacramento.

“I was raised to believe the world could end at any moment,” she says. “There was this constant sense of dread. My nervous system was wrecked.”

She married young — 18 and a virgin — to the first man she dated. “I thought that was what I had to do. I had no education about sex, no sense of ownership over my body. It took six months to have my first orgasm, and even that was by accident.”

After three years in a loveless marriage, she secretly began planning her escape. Higher education was forbidden in her religion, so she enrolled in law school behind everyone’s backs. She worked at a law firm during the day, volunteered at church in the evenings, and studied at night.

“I was building my way out,” she says. “I knew that leaving meant losing everything. Every friend. Every family member.”

When she finally left, her community made an announcement from the pulpit. She was no longer one of them. Her parents, her siblings, even her childhood friends — none of them would speak to her again.

“I became a ghost overnight.”

A month later, she moved to Costa Rica and never looked back.

 

From Digital Nomad to Sensual Facilitator

In Costa Rica, Brittnee leaned into a new life: remote work, independence, possibility. She co-founded a travel company for digital nomads in the pre-Instagram days of 2015 and helped build coworking spaces across Asia.

But it wasn’t until she landed on Koh Phangan, Thailand, that things really clicked.

“I’d been traveling, building community for remote workers, but something deeper was calling me. Koh Phangan was the first place where I felt I could explore my sensuality safely.”

At first, her gatherings were just cuddle parties with friends — mattresses in the living room, intimacy games, breathwork. But rumors spread on the island. People thought she was hosting sex parties.

“I hadn’t even been to a play party before,” she laughs. “I was scared they’d feel dark or unsafe. But I thought, what if I created something different — something rooted in softness, safety, and real connection?”

So she did.

 

 

What Actually Happens at a “Vanilla” Play Party?

You arrive around 6pm and are welcomed with warm hugs, herbal tea, and soft lighting. Everyone introduces themselves in a circle. For the first 90 minutes, you play connection games — tools designed to help you speak your desires, understand your boundaries, and attune to others.

Only after that do doors open to what Brittnee calls “open play.”

“It’s like a sensual choose-your-own-adventure,” she explains. “You can cuddle, learn BDSM basics, play with whipped cream, go in the sauna,  dance, sit by the pool naked, or just drink tea and watch. There’s no performance. No expectations. Just exploration.”

All of it is completely sober, consent-based, and guided by facilitators trained in trauma awareness, somatic psychology, and tantra.

“Because it’s non-penetrative and sober, you can’t dissociate,” she says. “You have to actually be there. And when you do that, it’s one of the most healing things a person can experience.”

 

Not a Sex Party — A Healing Portal

“I call it organic ecstasy,” Brittnee tells me, smiling. “People leave buzzing, like they just did MDMA, but it’s just oxytocin, safety, and presence.”

She’s seen people cry, scream with laughter, find love, and break years of sexual numbness — all in one night. One woman told her that she’d spent years thinking she was broken. “She came to my party, spoke her desires, received pleasure for the first time, and said it changed her whole life.”

Another woman froze during a sensual interaction, triggered by past trauma. But the man she was with noticed, stopped immediately, and held space for her to cry and talk.

“She told me it was worth more than years of therapy,” Brittnee says. “Because she was seen, in real time, by a man she was attracted to. That kind of repair — it’s profound.”

 

 

The Feminine Way

At the Vanilla Vanilla Play Party, the leadership is intentionally feminine.

“I love men,” Brittnee says. “We have men on the team too. But the container is held by women, and that creates a different kind of energy. Protective, soft, wise. We’re mama bears.”

The result? Spaces where people of all genders — cis, trans, queer, straight — can feel safe enough to let their guard down.

“It’s not just about pleasure,” she adds. “It’s about community. After the events, people don’t just go home. They stay. They talk. They make friends. They find partners. Some even get married. One woman said: ‘This isn’t just a party. It’s the first time I’ve felt like I belonged.’”

 

What’s Next for the Vanilla Vanilla Play Arty?

So far, over 2,000 people have come through Brittnee’s events in Thailand and Berlin, almost entirely through word of mouth.

Now, she’s bringing the experience to Los Angeles and Copenhagen, and launching online courses so that people can explore the tools of pleasure and communication from anywhere.

“I want there to be a Vanilla Vanilla Play Party in every major city,” she says. “So people can experience real connection and learn how to speak up for their needs — in the bedroom, in relationships, in life.”

What drives her is the very thing she lost in her old life: belonging.

“When I left my religion, I lost my entire community overnight. And I swore I’d build one where people could be exactly who they are. Where no one would ever be ghosted for being real.”

She looks around, then adds, “That’s what this is. It’s not about sex. It’s about creating spaces where we all get to be fully seen, fully safe, and fully alive.”

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Upcoming parties: Berlin