Dirty Talk: Sexy Chat Tips For Beginners

Dirty talk is more than just saying naughty words — it’s a skill, a mood, and sometimes a full-blown filthy performance. Whether you’re whispering in someone’s ear in public or talking them through it in bed, the right words can make sparks fly. Here’s how to flirt, fantasize, and f*** — all with your mouth.

Too shy to talk dirty? As a beginner, dirty talk may feel awkward, as you rack your brain for the perfect filthy phrase to express to a sex partner. Chill out! Relaxation and confidence are key: talking dirty isn't a science – successful erotic talk depends more on how comfortable you are, rather than how much you know about it.
 

Basically, there are three kinds of dirty talk: flirty talk, sex talk, and phone sex. Each one plays a different role — from teasing to commanding to full-blown storytelling — and the magic lies in knowing how to use them.
 

• Flirty dirty talk is all about anticipation. It’s a wink, a whisper, a spark that says, “I’m thinking about you — and what I want to do to you later.” Keep it light and playful. You don’t need to narrate the X-rated details; just make sure your partner knows who’s going to ruin their composure later (spoiler: it’s you).
   
• Dirty talk during sex is more improvisational — pure heat and instinct. It’s about reacting to what’s happening; feeding off your partner’s energy, and turning the temperature up with every word. Say what you like, what you want, and what you’re going to do. The more specific, the better.
   
• Phone sex is where dirty talk becomes storytelling. Here, words have to do all the touching — so ***t pictures. Describe sensations, scenes, and what you’d do if you were there. And yes, “What are you wearing?” might sound like a naff cliché, but if you commit to it and let the fantasy build, it’s pure fire.
   

Dirty Talk: 6 Ways to Level Up Your Sex Chat

As a beginner at talking dirty, gaining confidence in your verbalization skills is key. Here are six tips to get you started – before long you'll be spitting out those filthy phrases with glee.
 

1. Start Slowly

Fundamentally, good dirty talk is all about expressing desire. Nothing's hotter than feeling wanted, and this kind of sexual expression excels at making your partner feel that way. You don't have to get too creative when you start out; a simple “I want you to f*** me” can be a great opener, especially in a public situation. Too much to begin? Start with simple compliments that cross the line into propositions. “I can't wait to get you home” is a classic.

“Think of dirty talk as turning up a dimmer switch, not flipping a light on and off,” says Ally Iseman, non-monogamy educator, relationship architect, and founder of the global platform Passport 2 Pleasure. “A simple, ‘I keep thinking about your hands on me later,’ can feel safer for beginners than jumping straight into using explicit language.”

2. Great Dirty Talk Needs Great Ordinary Talk

If you can’t talk about sex, you can’t talk during sex. Build your confidence for dirty talk by having real conversations about what turns you on. Try: “I loved it when you did X — it made me feel Y.”  This kind of communication builds trust, and trust makes filth ten times hotter.

Ally Iseman says, “If talking about sex feels awkward, say that out loud. Try something like, ‘This feels a bit new for me, but I really want to share what turns me on with you.’ That honesty often takes the pressure down for both of you and turns nervousness into shared vulnerability, which is already intimate.

Iseman continues, “Whether you have one partner or three, each person can have a different comfort level with filthy talk, so real conversations outside the bedroom keep everyone informed, respected, and empowered.”
 

3. Get Specific

OK, so generic compliments are always nice, but specificity hits different. Once you've tried out some basic verbal foreplay, narrow things down. So, instead of “That feels great,” try,“I love how your hands fit perfectly around my wrists,” or, "when you play with my nipples I get really wet."
 

“There are three kinds of dirty talk: flirty talk, sex talk, and phone sex. Each one plays a different role — from teasing to commanding to full-blown storytelling.”

The key is including that detail — it grounds fantasy in reality and lets your sex partner know exactly what drives you wild, so they can try it again in the future. 
 

4. Develop the Right Tone

Erotic talk isn’t about having a movie-star voice — it’s about intention. Speak low, slow, and like you mean every filthy word. You don’t have to growl, but you do have to sound like you’re speaking directly to the part of your partner that wants you most.

“Dirty talk doesn’t have to sound like a performance,” says Iseman. “If putting on a character helps you feel confident at the start, go for it, but you don’t owe anyone a phone-sex-operator voice. Many people, especially those who are neurodivergent or anxious about audio-only phone calls, do better when they practice alone with voice notes first. Play with pace, breath, and small pauses instead of chasing a ‘perfect’ tone. Sometimes the silence can be filthier than any dirty words.”
 

5. Maintain Eye Contact

Eye contact is your secret weapon when you're talking dirty during sex. Don't be bashful: when you look someone in the eye — even for a moment of intensity — you convey ownership, presence, and total focus. It tells your partner: you’re the only one I’m speaking to, the only one I want right now. It cuts through distraction, pulls them into your world, and makes every filthy word feel like it’s meant just for them.

“Eye contact is powerful, but it shouldn't become a staring contest,” Iseman notes. “Short, intentional glances during key phrases can feel intense without overwhelming someone who’s shy or neurodivergent.” And if eye contact feels too intense for any reason? She suggests looking at the tip of your partner's nose to give them the feel of eye contact with less intensity on you.
 

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So, as you whisper your next line, lock eyes, slow your blink, lean in — don’t let your gaze wander. That connection adds weight to the words.
 

6. Know Your Audience

“Everyone has their own erotic dictionary,” says Iseman. “Some people love praise, some like a bit of roughness, and some prefer more clinical words for their body. Ask, ‘Which words feel hot to you, and which ones feel like a no?’ and build your shared erotic language from there.”The only way to know? Communicate, play, and pay attention.

Some Quick Dirty Talk Stats

• A survey spanning 4,175 Americans found that 91% reported they’d fantasised about a partner talking dirty to them — and 49% said they fantasise about it often.
   
• Another study across the U.S. & Europe of almost 1,000 people revealed 90% felt aroused by the right erotic talk — yet 1 in 5 admitted they’ve stopped sex entirely because the talk went wrong. 
   
• A 2021 survey about filthy talk by Adam & Eve found: 11% always talk dirty, 31% sometimes, 20% rarely, and 20% never. 

So, these stats show dirty talk is very much part of many people’s sex lives — but also that it has to be done well to work. Luckily, we're here to help you with that. 
 

Dirty Things to Say During Sex

As a beginner to sexy chat, filthy talk probably doesn't come naturally. Here are some more suggestions for phrases you can use, during different sexual situations.

To build anticipation:

I don't have any panties on.

I'm so wet/hard right now.

I want you inside of me.

Just wait until we get home.

I want your mouth on me.

I want you between my thighs.

I want to taste you.

During sex:

Lick my nipples.

Slap my ass.

Just like that.

Right there.

Bite me.

Pull my hair.

Don't stop.

Play with my clit/cock

You like that?

One-word classics:

Harder.

Slower.

Faster.

Deeper.
 

When It Goes Off Script

You will say something ridiculous eventually. We all do. Maybe your grand “Whose pussy is this?” moment earns a snort instead of a moan — that’s OK. Laugh it off and keep going. The goal isn’t to be perfect; it’s to be present.

“You’re allowed to call a reset in the moment,” Iseman says. “If something lands badly, try, ‘That came out weird, can we rewind?’ or, ‘That didn’t feel good to me. How did it feel for you? Want to try a different kind of talk?’ Most partners feel relieved when someone names the awkward moment instead of pretending it didn’t happen.”
 

“Erotic talk isn’t about having a movie-star voice — it’s about intention. Speak low, slow, and like you mean every filthy word.”

If your talk edges into darker or rougher territory, make sure your partner’s on the same page. Hot doesn’t have to mean hurtful. The sexiest thing you can do is make your partner feel safe enough to let go completely.

Iseman adds, “If you’re playing with rougher themes, ***, or role play, agree in advance which words are off-limits and what you’ll say or do if someone needs to stop or slow down. A simple safeword or gesture or a traffic-light system (green/amber/red) works just as well for dirty talk as it does for physical play.”
 

Takeaway: How to Talk Dirty 

Dirty talk isn’t about performance — it’s about connection. It’s about translating desire into words and letting language become foreplay. So don’t overthink it. Be playful, be real, and above all, mean it. The right words, in the right voice, at the right moment, can change everything.